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Monday, February 7, 2011

So for this Blogfest we are posting our first lines.... Which is handy, since I just rewrote good old Chapter 1 :)



*****
Name: Lela Gwenn
Title: Alamandine's Song
Genre: Adult Urban Fantasy

I burst out of the door, all goosebumps and cold sweat, and held it closed behind me.

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6 comments:

  1. Kate HaggardFebruary 7, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    Oooh, you start us in media res with quite a few questions to propel us forward. My only real suggestion, which is more of a quibble, is to change "out" to "through". But a great sentence and hook all in one.

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  2. Roland D. YeomansFebruary 7, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    Starting with action certainly snares the reader's attention, making us pull for the narrator. Good job, Roland

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  3. Vicki TremperFebruary 7, 2011 at 3:40 PM

    Very active, definitely intriguing. Burst through works better for me, too. I'm having trouble, however, imagining the action of holding something closed after bursting through it. Maybe it's just me.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Good luck!

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  4. Loralie HallFebruary 8, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    I think you've got a great hook. I agree with the commenters above, but I'm still compelled to read more. Great job. I love the idea of 'all goosebumps and cold sweat' it's great imagery

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  5. BethFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:04 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. BethFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:05 PM

    This is a great first line. The only thing I would say is get rid of one of the "ands."

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Thanks!