Dear Erotica: Animals & Sex

Dear Erotica (and other genres that have the sex in them),

I am inspired to write this letter in part by this year's Bad Sex Award winner- though it has been on my mind for a while.

***Read parts of the Bad Sex Award here***

Other than an oblique reference to animalistic behavior- please leave animals out of my sexy time. Otters, baby birds-- these things are not sexy.

This goes DOUBLE for shape-shifter erotica. I get it- He is part man, part beast. I am all for the reckless abandon part of that equation. However, if you even begin to describe doggy tongues doing dirty things.... Hold on...

Yes, just as the notion of bringing small people into the world drys me up like the Sahara-- so too does the notion of woodland creatures sharing in my erotic romp time.


So cut it out!

Love,
Lela Gwenn

Review: Secrets Volume 29 Indulge Your Fantasies

This Collection- Secrets Volume 29 Indulge Your Fantasies- is a bit of a departure for me. Only one of the stories included was "fantasy", though another was science fiction- which is pretty close to my geeky little heart. My overall impression of the collection? A delightful box of confections. Sure, I have my favorite flavors, but even the hazelnut nougat in this box is pretty tasty.

Sweet-talking The Opposition by Saskia Walker
Contemporary, Romantic Comedy
London-based journalist, Eliza Jameson, is on assignment on a luxurious Rhine river cruiser when she finds the perfect distraction on board - old flame, Marcus Weston. But Eliza came dangerously close to falling for Marcus last time around, and in order to play him at his own game, she decides to call the shots. Meanwhile, Marcus has his own agenda. In the ensuing battle, who will end up on top?
This story plays with light Fem Dom action. Very light. It is a fun romp- and plenty hot- this story is a sweet, light game of cat and mouse.
 
Beast In A Kilt by Nicole North
Paranormal, Historical Setting, Magic, Shape Shifter
Scottish lady Catriona MacCain has loved Torr Blackburn, a fierce Highland warrior, since she was a young lass, but Torr only sees Catriona as his best friend's little sister. When Catriona's family promises her in marriage to a detestable chieftain, she desperately needs Torr to save her from a fate worse than death. But Torr is under the spell of a witch of the dark arts and is cursed to spend his nights as a kelpie water demon. He doesn't believe himself worthy of the virginal Lady Catriona. However, she is determined to seduce Torr and claim him... body, heart and soul, if only they can banish the curse and defeat the enemies who have vowed to possess and enslave them both.
 
If you have a soft spot for a doomed with a curse, tall, dark, handsome Scot-- well then ding ding ding! We have a winner! This is a very fun paranormal featuring a kelpie-by-night hot dude by day. 
 
Edge by Dominique Sinclair
Action & Adventure, Contemporary
The search for the truth leads to the edge of danger, revenge and love... A beautiful hellion, the first woman trained by the Department of International Intelligence, Catlina Demarco left her life without so much as a goodbye. Deep in Mexico, she's close to finding the man who can give her the truth of her past, or kill her.
Agent Noah Tyler, Cat's former partner and lover, is the last man she expects to show up with handcuffs and intent to bring her back to headquarters. No one has ever left the agency alive, Cat's no exception.  Only she refuses to go anywhere with Noah, he betrayed her trust. Forced into the jungle by three armed banderos, Cat finds her and Noah once again working as partners, their thoughts as one, their bodies craving, their goals conflicting.
 
This story reminds me of Romancing the Stone, only with a truly kick ass female lead. This story has excitement, adventure and the requisite sexy man-piece.
 
Chimera by Nathalie Gray
Action & Adventure, Futuristic, Science Fiction, Thriller
All warfare is based on deception
               -Sun Tzu's Art of war
From the overcrowded slums of a future Earth, he rose as the perfect tool of lethal justice and deception. Cold and stoical by choice, alone by circumstances, he will neutralize any and all threat to his client then move on. Blunt, direct. Nothing personal. But when his next assignment involves a popular politician who's as smart as she's attractive, the greatest betrayal would be to deny his heart.
 
Yeah sexy geek! This story has a lot going for it, in my eyes. First our sexy man is a masked man for most of the story which is hot. Plus, it is set in a future where a woman is the Lady Mayor of the colony on the Moon, which is struggling for independence. The story evokes The Manchurian Candidate, but feels fresh and sexy.

Please note this book was provided for review by Net Galley

Dear Erotica : the baby making episode

Dear Erotica,
Why do you feel the need to bring up baby making in the middle of hot, smexy, sex scenes? I know that there are loads of women who really really really want to have a baby, but I'm not sure what it has to do with my smut.

There are a few reasons why I want you to stop all this baby making talk. First and foremost, it encourages anatomy talk. I do not want to see the words- vaginal canal, womb, or uterus in my erotica. Keep your fancy doctors terms over there in the textbook section. Nothing is less sexy than- "He thrust his penis deep into her vaginal canal filling her womb with his semen." Holy Sex-ed movie, Batman!

Second, usually one character of another is trying to make a baby-- usually without their partner's consent or knowledge. This is just icky. It seems to be very common in Paranormal, with a paranormal male knowing that his super-sperm will knock girlfriend up post-haste. All I got to say about that is- My body-my choice. Ugh.

And Finally-- babies aren't sexy. They just aren't. This might be a personal thing, and I encourage others to state their opinions, but I just don't get it. If you are going to have baby making there should be a warning on the book. You know, like they do for Domination or M/M? I should be able to scan the blurb and see a pacifier logo that lets me know...I don't want to read this book.

Love,
LGwenn

Kill The Dead by Richard Kadrey

In Kill the Dead, Kadrey continues the tradition of playing both sides against the middle- having Stark AKA "Sandman Slim" working both as an investigator for the Vigil(the halo and white light crowd) and also as a bodyguard for Lucifer who is overseeing a movie being made about his life.

At one point in this book, I looked up and said "and then there was a Dragon!" There seems to be no end to the shit that Kadrey is willing to throw at his creation. First vampires with blow torches,then people who get off by getting bitten by demons, followed by zombies and *shudder* movie producers. It might seem too much in another writer's hands, but Kadrey makes it work.

When it comes down to it, Kill the Dead is a zombie book, and Kadrey manages to give us a fresh view on the zombie apocalypse. He adds to the lexicon- lacuna, zed, zot, Savant- without making me feel like he's trying to reinvent the wheel.

Plus, Stark finally gets laid. By a porn star. A zombie killing porn star. Sounds hot right? However good the scene might be, hot is not how I would describe it. Covered in zombie goo and screwing on a toilet might be perfect for the story...but hot?

All in all I realy liked the book. There were a few parts in the middle where I wasn't sure if he was going to pull it all together, but foolish me for doubting him. I highly recommend the book and the series.