Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Dear Erotica: Animals & Sex

Dear Erotica (and other genres that have the sex in them),

I am inspired to write this letter in part by this year's Bad Sex Award winner- though it has been on my mind for a while.

***Read parts of the Bad Sex Award here***

Other than an oblique reference to animalistic behavior- please leave animals out of my sexy time. Otters, baby birds-- these things are not sexy.

This goes DOUBLE for shape-shifter erotica. I get it- He is part man, part beast. I am all for the reckless abandon part of that equation. However, if you even begin to describe doggy tongues doing dirty things.... Hold on...


Yes, just as the notion of bringing small people into the world drys me up like the Sahara-- so too does the notion of woodland creatures sharing in my erotic romp time.


So cut it out!

Love,
Lela Gwenn

1 comment:

Dr. kold_kadavr_flatliner, MD, the sub/dude said...

Ya know sumtin, sweetheart, only when we (pl) get Upstairs, Seventh-Heaven, shall we be given the chance to have SEXXX if we wanna, not here if you're not married HintHint 'Nuff sed.

You're a writer? Crool shoes. Me, too (kinda, sorta). I know for a fact, however, you gotta whole lotta intelligence behind those two ears, girl; thus, I wanna give you my finite existence: to intrinsically value the Great Beyond which I’ve learned to appreciate, to visualize the fundamental reality of infinity is why I‘m here for a teeny-weeny amount of time. Looky here...

Precisely why I had our ‘philanthropic + epiphany’ (=so much to give + vision): wanna see a perfectly cognizant, fully-spectacular, Son-ripened-Heaven?? … yet, I’m not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like: meet this advanced, bombastic, ex-mortal Upstairs for the most juvenile-lip-service, extra-groovy, secret-sauce-paradox, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-some-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué-passion you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-smmmokin’-hot-deal enveloping, engulfing our catch-22-excitotoxins. Cya soon, girl…