Oooh, you start us in media res with quite a few questions to propel us forward. My only real suggestion, which is more of a quibble, is to change "out" to "through". But a great sentence and hook all in one.
Very active, definitely intriguing. Burst through works better for me, too. I'm having trouble, however, imagining the action of holding something closed after bursting through it. Maybe it's just me.
I think you've got a great hook. I agree with the commenters above, but I'm still compelled to read more. Great job. I love the idea of 'all goosebumps and cold sweat' it's great imagery
6 comments:
Oooh, you start us in media res with quite a few questions to propel us forward. My only real suggestion, which is more of a quibble, is to change "out" to "through". But a great sentence and hook all in one.
Starting with action certainly snares the reader's attention, making us pull for the narrator. Good job, Roland
Very active, definitely intriguing. Burst through works better for me, too. I'm having trouble, however, imagining the action of holding something closed after bursting through it. Maybe it's just me.
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Good luck!
I think you've got a great hook. I agree with the commenters above, but I'm still compelled to read more. Great job. I love the idea of 'all goosebumps and cold sweat' it's great imagery
This is a great first line. The only thing I would say is get rid of one of the "ands."
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